I'm doing as well as I can be these days. Honestly I'm still sad I'm back from vacation to Colorado. I went from sleeping under a clear sky cradled in the serenity of the mountains to back home to the real world. Everytime there is a surge in racial tension I start receiving insults in my messages and comments and lots of discrimination for being married to a white man. People become hyper villigiant of the fact I'm in a interracial relationship. My children start experiencing the divide in their ethnicity and are bullied for not being dark enough or "black enough" to have an opinion on African cultural issues. It's a tricky place for me to be in because I'm very glad and I feel very proud of the steps black people are taking towards equality. However, I'm in mother bear mode right now for my family because people are acting really stupid in the world right now. Some people are seriously running up on others questioning their support ready to attack their character and platforms but proclaiming peaceful protest . There is nothing peaceful about trying to force your ideology on others. Personal growth is something that has to be personally realized through your own experience. The real truth is people that are already racist only get more racist during times like these because they have selective attention to support their racial bias. They aren't going to see all the actual peaceful protest, unity of the world and beauty of the changes. All they see is those weird videos of white people kissing black people's feet to support black lives, these crazy looters that all look black to them in the dark, and that black people think they are superior like they always have felt to begin with. What doesn't help change at all is the black people that are providing them with the fuel to fan their racist fires by seriously behaving as if they are superior because not all black people are focused on equality either.
I support what I know is right regardless of what color the truth rides in on and dispite this cause being designed with all the right efforts in mind there is a lot of fuckery going on that I do not support or agree with. I am not here to attempt to prove my "blackness" to anyone. I have been a black woman my whole life. I loved my natural hair before it got trendy when my black highschool sweetheart avoided me for wearing it that way because he was embarrassed by it. I was supporting the beauty of my blackness and the beauty in the brown skin women and men before it became a chain post.
I lead a very reclusive lifestyle because I am extremely sensitive to the emotions of others and the pain in the world .
Back in February on the 27th on Instagram I wrote:
Do you feel that? There's a scream unheard that rumbles the world. We all feel it but can't name it or tame the anxiety of the quake. Words are unspoken trapped in circling contemplation as we all hunt for the answer. Where does it come from? How is it I know how it feels without truly knowing it exist?
I wrote that before the pandemic was in America and I wasn't generally concerned with it coming here at the time because many things that start overseas never reach us. I just kept waking up with very bad anxiety sometimes crying in my sleep to a heavy sense of pain as if I could feel the world screaming and dying around me. I started feeling it before it came but I kept telling myself that I was tripping and I thought my depression was coming back. Turns out it wasn't me and to protect myself and my family I have retreated into the woods. I'm not on social media as much anymore because it's not fun anymore. My platform is moving away from just being fashionable and whimsical because I'm not feeling it. I use most of my time trying to get the most out of my life by conquering my fears and really shooting for the stars to reach my dreams before time runs out. I'm always looking really closely at my children when they are smiling so that I can remember our happy moments because I don't know where things are going and I'm afraid about what we may face in the future.
I support what I know is right regardless of what color the truth rides in on and dispite this cause being designed with all the right efforts in mind there is a lot of fuckery going on that I do not support or agree with. I am not here to attempt to prove my "blackness" to anyone. I have been a black woman my whole life. I loved my natural hair before it got trendy when my black highschool sweetheart avoided me for wearing it that way because he was embarrassed by it. I was supporting the beauty of my blackness and the beauty in the brown skin women and men before it became a chain post.
I lead a very reclusive lifestyle because I am extremely sensitive to the emotions of others and the pain in the world .
Back in February on the 27th on Instagram I wrote:
Do you feel that? There's a scream unheard that rumbles the world. We all feel it but can't name it or tame the anxiety of the quake. Words are unspoken trapped in circling contemplation as we all hunt for the answer. Where does it come from? How is it I know how it feels without truly knowing it exist?
I wrote that before the pandemic was in America and I wasn't generally concerned with it coming here at the time because many things that start overseas never reach us. I just kept waking up with very bad anxiety sometimes crying in my sleep to a heavy sense of pain as if I could feel the world screaming and dying around me. I started feeling it before it came but I kept telling myself that I was tripping and I thought my depression was coming back. Turns out it wasn't me and to protect myself and my family I have retreated into the woods. I'm not on social media as much anymore because it's not fun anymore. My platform is moving away from just being fashionable and whimsical because I'm not feeling it. I use most of my time trying to get the most out of my life by conquering my fears and really shooting for the stars to reach my dreams before time runs out. I'm always looking really closely at my children when they are smiling so that I can remember our happy moments because I don't know where things are going and I'm afraid about what we may face in the future.
All in all dispite challenges I am still optimistic about the future but just incase we don't win this dangerous game of jumanji I'll remember the love I've lived and die happily complete.
