What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

It seems as if every post I read on instagram lately are all the same theme. We all are so over this pandemic shit and cannot wait for it to end. Some of us are depressed about it and over flowing with anxiety. Some of us like myself is just absurdly impatient and waiting. I think one of my worst character traits is how impatient I am. I hate to wait for anything and the longer I do it bleeds into negative intrusive thoughts that overshadows all the ways that I am blessed. I am grateful that I am conscious of it so that I can call myself out and be accountable for controlling those thoughts. We all are affected some of us far worst than others. It's not comforting in anyway to know that it can be worst; then guilt sets in when you witness the tired and sunken eyes of those that are struggling to keep from being homeless and feed their families. Alot of us are just bored and drowning in stagnation. I will admit reluctantly but accept that I am one of those people.
On my ungratefully impatient days I am frustrated with this small house, mad about the heat that has always been in Texas and annoyed by my own children arguing. It takes a great deal of mind power to confront myself and see the silver lining. My children are safe and healthy enough to give each other a hard time. This small house has allowed me to get my family financial stability and improved my credit for a brighter future to give my children what I have never had. I sometimes have to sit my youngest down who hasn't been able to play with his friends and hardly leaves the house and say to him all the truths that I too are struggling to deal with. My best friend has a second son that I have yet to know or even set eyes on. I had so intently planned to be there to share the experience with her. I can afford to actually go now and my presence is a health threat that both of us are too concerned with to risk. I put all of my effort into my work because I feel like much of my youth was wasted with distractions instead of being committed to bettering myself. I've never been more focused in my entire life than I am now. After my last near death experience who I used to be did not survive that crash. It's been 2 years ago now and I have finally accepted that she is gone but I still have not gotten used to myself but I'm content with my results. I have learned to protect my energy and I don't give myself away to what's too far to reach and what cannot exchange the energy that I know is required for me to be invested. I only crave what I can bring in close enough to truly feel and trust because I need all of my energy to propel myself farward to my dreams that I once was too afraid to even reach for. I hate this pandemic like everyone else does but I have to admit in many ways it has replaced alot of the time I have lost over the years when I was too broken to even have bright aspirations.
I think the best thing we all can do right now is dare to dream bigger and be honest with ourselves about who we were before this began and ask ourselves if we were truly satisfied. Sometimes we must be reduced and reshaped by tragedy and difficulty to build better versions of ourselves. I think this pandemic is just like my car accident but for the world. As horrible as it is out there the good changes are building a different world for us all. I suspect that many will get lost and descend beneath the rubble but those of us that survive will be stronger and better that it all happened.