I'm only completely inhibited and free around people I trust and that's not alot of people at all. I want to be as free as it is possible for me to be. My freedom is at the top of my list only second to my family that is the most important thing to me. I've felt too scared to be myself most of my life and became imprisoned by that fear. Naturally it set my sense of freedom very high once I began to accept myself. I have intentionally look for ways to stretch so that I can relax inside myself by finding new ways to feel freer. I have danced at drum circles around fires in the moon light and on top of tables in rennisance taverns with pirates and fairies. I have jumped off of cliffs into deep waters and floated back up to the surface . I've had actual dance battles in the club back in the day were I have danced so hard and passionately I would be drenched in sweat. I would get this high as if it was only me, swirling colors and the music. I have run naked through the woods with nothing but a sheet and boots in the morning sun. I have been the loudest person in the room. I have brought the party inside myself and shared it with my world and it all was wonderful. I have lived.
I've heard negative but fun rumors about myself that are alot more interesting than I actually am. Makes me jealous of the persona of myself that's being created. It got me thinking about all the things I would do if it was possible for me to be 100% free.
I wish I was brave enough to join a nudist society or to have been a burlesque dancer. Nudist aren't nudist to be sexy they do it to be free of a constricted society. I've always been facinated by the idea of being naked and feeling whole at the same time instead of feeling valunarable. Being naked in front of someone for the first time is terrifying. All you can think about is your every flaw and being rejected. I imagine there would be a rush of relief, love and unconditional acceptance to be only what you are and accepted because of it. How different our world would be if we had never known we were naked in the first place. We put on labels and shiny things and get farther from who we are and ironically try to define who we are by how we dress. It's that moment of seeing someone see all of you for the first time and being accepted that really matters to me. On a larger scale and non sexual I believe it would be amaze balls!
I've heard negative but fun rumors about myself that are alot more interesting than I actually am. Makes me jealous of the persona of myself that's being created. It got me thinking about all the things I would do if it was possible for me to be 100% free.
I wish I was brave enough to join a nudist society or to have been a burlesque dancer. Nudist aren't nudist to be sexy they do it to be free of a constricted society. I've always been facinated by the idea of being naked and feeling whole at the same time instead of feeling valunarable. Being naked in front of someone for the first time is terrifying. All you can think about is your every flaw and being rejected. I imagine there would be a rush of relief, love and unconditional acceptance to be only what you are and accepted because of it. How different our world would be if we had never known we were naked in the first place. We put on labels and shiny things and get farther from who we are and ironically try to define who we are by how we dress. It's that moment of seeing someone see all of you for the first time and being accepted that really matters to me. On a larger scale and non sexual I believe it would be amaze balls!
I would have liked to be a burlesque dancer because dancing has always been a passion of mine but mostly because of how clumsily and awkwardly I came into finding my sexy. I hit puberty earlier than I should have so being considered sexy was terrifying at 11. It's confusing for little girls to grow breast and hips and then be bombarded with the most ridiculous, contradicting expectations of society. They want us to be beautiful and sexy and then they want to write notes all over us to restrict it for a comfortable level for them. You can find someone beautiful and sexy easily because to someone everyone is. Once you run a beautiful sexy person through the society edits you won't be instrested in them anymore. I have always found it weird that someone could want to hide you for all the reasons they love you physically, psychologically or emotionally. I'm glad my husband isn't like that because he wouldn't be my husband. I doubt he would want me to be a burlesque dancer but I would have liked to be before I got married just for my own confidence and learning how to feel sexy in myself. Growing up in a basic christian family made me feel handicapped for being a woman. When I got into relationships with men I didn't understand the value of a womans feminine energy. I saw women as the weaker sex and felt weak for being at the mercy of men honestly. Now I understand the beauty and strength in being soft, supple , powerfully nurturing and dangerously sexy. A powerful woman can build or break an empire with the passion she radiates and inspires and that is the real reason that sex sales.
I probably will never join a nudist society or become a burlesque dancer and you know why... because even though I accept my body I don't possess that kind of high and unadulterated confidence. I wish I did and I'm admittedly jealous of people that can because I know they are riding an ultimate sky ship party and I'm not there. I'm okay with it because I'm just glad I don't hate myself and that I don't feel ugly and wrong the way I used to feel. I don't hide my body from my husband, or avoid going to the beach so people won't judge my body. I'm gonna always wish for more free but I'm not mad at where I am. I'm actually perfectly content. If I should ever feel like I've toned down to much I'll just live vicariously through my persona... she's bad ass.
